Kenneth's movie reviews..

Kenneth, a spiritual person and former intern at the Pittsburgh Zoo. There, he learned not to be kind to little dumb movies..

Droll Review of The Wedding Planner. Everyone in the cast gets a nickname, to match J-Lo. From the description of the poster down to Matthew McConaughey's (M-McCo) posturing and J-Lo's unbelievable lineage and accent, every stumble gets its due poke. This review is Hi-Stu..I mean Hilarious Stuff.

This is how he starts off for X-Men...
Most teenagers just get pimples. In the world of X-Men, mutant adolescents break out in superpowers. Yet given children who can walk through walls, move things with their brain waves or change the weather by just thinking about it, stage mothers do not immediately rush them to the nearest casting agent.

"Cosmic xenophobia" is the name of the game in the underachieving movie Evolution (as well as Men in Black) - "the illegal (space) aliens are coming and will soon be eating our lunches (and possibly our heads)". Evolution is an alien movie turned upside down - full of underachieving working class stiffs battling to preserve the Earth, from energetically evolving aliens who actually seem to deserve it more. Love his quote "But we were here first", and his comparisons- "a post-NAFTA nightmare in disguise".

"Death has always been the greatest life lesson, as long as it happens to someone else." I'm sure he meant it seriously, but it also has a comic touch. George Washington sounds like one of those Southern-feel movies that combustibly mix race and small towns (a la Mississippi Burning or A Time to Kill), and the dreaminess of American Beauty.

Other deft reviews... the tricky premise of Memento, cocoa puff lightness of Chocolat, the over-ironical yet average 15 Minutes, the elemental working class portrait of The Perfect Storm, the Elvis-in-decline feel of 3000-Miles to Graceland, and the crafty boogeyman of Hannibal

Quaidi

There was this bird, qaidi_no_786, who wrote rather objectionable reviews on a review site for fun. He's been deleted, but I saved this...

Original song
aankhon mein base ho tum,
tumhe dil mein chupa loonga,
jab chahoon tumhe dekhon,
aaina bana loonga.

Qaidis song ...brushing his teeth, to his girlfriend.
colgate mein base ho tum,
tumhe brush pe laga loonga,
jab chahoon tumhe thookoon,
naali mein baha doonga.