Is it still called pre-marital sex, if you plan to never marry?

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Uma's youngest brother-in-law has a theory: Women over a certain age, if still single, will become bitter and frustrated. All women need to be married to be happy. Now, never mind that he's single, and plans to remain so forever. Or at least until he dies.

So now woman has been given an expiry date. Like fruit, we will Ripen and Sweeten, Soften and then eventually go Sour. Is there a Rotting phase?

He has various predictions of what will happen to Single Women once they grow older. I will list them in order. The first and most commonly mentioned is Seriously Lonely. This, again, does not apply to himself. I do not know how he plans to avoid this. Or maybe it is just a semantics thing. Men are Seriously Alone, and women are Seriously Lonely.

Next is Desperate. Like Uma's niece, a young woman of 20 says, "I don't want to marry right now, but someday I will. I don't want to become like those Desperate aunties in their forties who haunt gyms ogling young guys". This one stumps me. I ask you, if a woman has remained single by choice through her lustful teens, twenties and thirties, is she likely to start 'ogling' in her forties decline?

Uma's other niece, the older married one ponders the question, "What do single women do for sex?" So many funny answers come to mind, I think this could be a popular board game. It was hard enough to keep a straight face saying "The same as married women".

The last stage mentioned by the brother-in-law is Bitter and Frustrated. So what exactly is involved in the B & F phase? I can't figure out. Write nasty letters to newspaper editors?

I don't know when exactly, but also somewhere on a single girl's agenda is the Plotting of The Downfall of the Married Friends, by Seducing The Husband, and/or Corrupting The Wife With Her Single Decadent Ways. This was proposed by Uma's mother-in-law, and accepted after being seconded by her single son.

So all this predicted activity is bound to keep a single girl busy, eh? That's a consolation. At least there may not be a Seriously Bored phase.

Experiment (Peter griffin)

Peter's post on Caferati

"Despite the moderation, people have continued to post irrelevant replies"

I didn't get that. Either there is moderation, so that only relevant stuff gets posted, or there is no moderation and people post whatever they want. What did I miss?

More on what a girl wants

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Honestly.
The most consistent line I blurt before backing away is "We just don't have anything in common". And it was true.

"I can't see why he would be interested. He doesn't know anything about me" I complain to friends. ("You're female" is the wrong answer, even if correct).

I've seen other women talk about what they want. Seems like women want all kinds of things from men.

The guy merely checks to see if you are breathing.

Here's a typical conversation...

Guy: Wanna go to the movie with me?
Gal: I cant see you in that way.
Guy: Why not?
Gal: the guy should know what I want
Guy: So what do you want?
Gal: I want the guy to know.
Guy: Know what?
Gal: What I want.
Guy: What do you want?
Gal: I told you already.
Guy: You said you want me to know what you want.
Gal: That's right.
Guy: So now I'm asking you, what do you want?
Gal: That's what I want you to know. I want you to WANT to know what I want.
Guy: Yes, I WANT to know.
Gal: Good.
Guy: So what DO you want, really?
Gal: If you REALLY wanted to know, you would know already. That's what I wanted, I wanted you to know. That's why we can't go out.
Guy: Do you have a sister? I don't mind if she's retarded. In fact, I think I'd prefer it.

And that's why I cant see you in that way. I knew you'd end up going with my sister and becoming a brother (in-law).

Solomon Grundy - The New Twist

Back when we were children, we never realized there was more to this character called Solomon Grundy in that poem (Solomon Grundy, Born on Monday, Christened on Tuesday, etc etc), than met the eye. I present the true story here, of which we've heard only the vaguest details before..

SOLOMON GRUNDY - THE ADULT VERSION

It may be true what they say of Grundy
That Solomon was born on Sunday
But the Y2K glitch
Hit the computer which
Recorded his birthday as Monday

For Tuesday his christening was set
But on Monday the father won a bet
The horse that won
Was called Solomon
And so is his only son, to date

Why Wednesday he wed the rich widow
He explained to the press in front row
"Twasn't for bounty
Of which I have plenty.
But a little more never hurts, you know"

On Thursday, he said he was feeling fine
With his new wife as he sat down to dine
Its amazing how ill
You can get, with a pill
Of something they call strychnine

The doctors found him worse on Friday
To live, gave him no more than a day
"Better make up your will
And pay us (here's your bill)
There's nothing one can do but pray"

On Saturday his poor heart did cease
Said his widow to the local police
"He poisoned my drink
But before he could blink
I switched 'em, may he rest in peace"

On Sunday, they laid him six below
His tombstone to read as does follow
"A week's a lot of time
To plan a nasty crime
But next time, I'll shun the rich widow"

(Apologies to any children who might be reading here for shattering your innocence )

Cigarettes and Dawn [Poem read out at Bombay Feb 2007 Readmeet] (Rohinton Daruwala)

Read it here

"pink-gray morning of half-filled tea glasses" - that was really a quick one-line sketch, great.
Aparna

Getting Through (Anita Vasudeva)

Read it here

That rang like a bell in its clarity. Love it.
Aparna

Confucius left the light burning

From a restaurant review...

Though the lighting from outside seemed very convenient and attractive,I had a "bizarre premonition"(1) with this name which kept the reluctance switch on (2) to move into the place.

1. Unnecessary quotes for premonitions.
2. 'reluctance switch on to move into the place' - why switch on? A simple 'made me reluctant to enter' would be fine. 'Move into the place' is to mean 'to permanently live' in the place, not just enter a place.

But well, it was my boyfriend’s birthday, I wanted to take him to a very authentic place. He is very passionate about these historical places and heroic stories.. Uh gawd.. I hate the chronologies(3) though :-(

3. 'hate the chronologies' ? - she means historical dates. Unnecessary big word, wrongly used. Chronology is not a synonym for history, they don't mean the same thing).

Cut cut cut!!!! But when I entered there after a long day’s work with lots of expectations, trust me I was disappointed to the measure of exponents (4) :-(

4. 'measure of exponents' is a convoluted way of saying simply 'I was exponentially disappointed'. Also, exponents are not a measure like liter, or mile, but signify order of magnitude.

The seating arrangement there is kinda clumsy and you feel like you are in a moving train filled with people. If you have journey sickness in train, avoid this place. Besides, though the train is very well-made and has an amazing historic look to it, the, especially the service part. It was like, the waiters there had a fervor there was not very welcoming (5), especially the service part. It was like, the waiters there had a quizzical (6) look of :eh, when will you leave?" look. I also felt like , the train was very very very crowded. You cant even stretch your legs and relax with ease.

5. Fervor was not welcoming ? I suppose she wants to say energy, or ambience. Fervor means 'great warmth, earnestness of feeling'. Try substituting now :-) "the great warmth was not welcoming"- a contradiction of meaning, if anything.

But the food was quite good. No comments on that. Not really true that, it was exotically tantalizing that I just became a glutton from a gourmet :-/ It was just about average.
Well, people please go there on a weekday, when you can see less passengers in the train to enjoy it . Please don’t go when you are exhausted, not really a place with tranquil (6).

6. Tranquil is an adjective. Either 'the place is tranquil', or 'its a place with tranquility'.