Solomon Grundy - The New Twist

Back when we were children, we never realized there was more to this character called Solomon Grundy in that poem (Solomon Grundy, Born on Monday, Christened on Tuesday, etc etc), than met the eye. I present the true story here, of which we've heard only the vaguest details before..

SOLOMON GRUNDY - THE ADULT VERSION

It may be true what they say of Grundy
That Solomon was born on Sunday
But the Y2K glitch
Hit the computer which
Recorded his birthday as Monday

For Tuesday his christening was set
But on Monday the father won a bet
The horse that won
Was called Solomon
And so is his only son, to date

Why Wednesday he wed the rich widow
He explained to the press in front row
"Twasn't for bounty
Of which I have plenty.
But a little more never hurts, you know"

On Thursday, he said he was feeling fine
With his new wife as he sat down to dine
Its amazing how ill
You can get, with a pill
Of something they call strychnine

The doctors found him worse on Friday
To live, gave him no more than a day
"Better make up your will
And pay us (here's your bill)
There's nothing one can do but pray"

On Saturday his poor heart did cease
Said his widow to the local police
"He poisoned my drink
But before he could blink
I switched 'em, may he rest in peace"

On Sunday, they laid him six below
His tombstone to read as does follow
"A week's a lot of time
To plan a nasty crime
But next time, I'll shun the rich widow"

(Apologies to any children who might be reading here for shattering your innocence )