"Gat-Wail-Soon, India" - The Yellowmail Scheme

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"Gat-Wail-Soon, India" - The Yellowmail Scheme
I recently happened to catch the latest Munnabhai movie (Lage Raho Munnabhai), and I have to say - The Get-Well-Soon card tactic of non-violent protest against corruption has an inherent appeal to all us Native Indians.

First, sending a get-well-soon card to a corrupt official is doable by even the most cowardly. Public cowardice is the reason so many get away with corruption. We call ourselves non-violent, but what we really mean is we shy away from confrontation. Sticking a stamp is much easier for us shy dissenters than shouting slogans.

This way, the mail flow increases, we end up boosting our antiquated Postal system. Maybe they'll even print specially colored Munnabhai cards just for this one purpose of drowning corruption. If this movie was from Disney, someone would have already thought of this, franchised it worldwide, and I'd find these cards being sold at the theater exits on my way out.

The cards have to have a distinct color, so as to stand out from your everyday mail. I would suggest black as the color, but owing to difficulties of writing on black paper, and legal interpretations of "blackmail", I pick a second color : Yellow. Yellow is the patron color of cowardice, and yellow is the "gat-out" card for soccer.

Simple Yellowmail statistics provided by the Post Office will keep our more corrupt law-givers and businessmen in the hot seat. You can hide your ill-gained bribes, cash and assorted 'wadding gifts', but how can you hide the bags and bags of Yellowmail arriving daily at your doorstep? All the neighbors and their maternal-cousin-from-Ludhiana will know your shame.

One day, I predict the Yellowmail system may reform our current electoral process. We replace our voting booths by Yellowmail, and we vote by mail . Its a knockout-round - the candidate that gets the least Yellowmail (and therefore the most honest fellow) wins!!

Just one thing we must remember - Yellowmail is not hate-mail. You can also send hate-mail in any other color, but Yellowmail must be reserved for protesting against corruption. It is our non-violent (sorry, non-confrontational) way of saying - "Yellow, Yellow, Dirty Fellow" to that junior bureaucrat who's holding our paperwork hostage for money.

Gat-Wail-Soon, Dear India. We wish you a speedy recovery.