Writing Exercise - Write what you know, edit, edit, edit, where's the hook?

Today's children are tomorrow's citizens. Our youth inherits a world poised on the brink of greater human glory or nuclear annihilation. We must focus our energies towards developing our youth to face the challenges of tomorrow, to make the right choices, and to decide today what they will be: Lotus or Cherry. Our country has produced some of the best minds, scientists, artists, and HCL engineers who set an example of talent and honesty when they admit "We're the ones connecting you to the stock market..and the market just crashed". To continue on the path of progress, our youth must uphold our hallowed traditions, become proficient in the use of the latest science and technology, and learn that MutualFundsAreSubjectToMarketChangesSoReadTheOfferDocumentCarefully. They must resist divisive forces seeking to break our unity, and ask not for whom the bell tolls, but ask "How many you have, man?"

(145 words - Aparna)

Link to Exercise ...

OK, I was ranting on about ads I love to hate. That's not really what this exercise is about, I know, but couldn't resist..